This has been an incredibly productive and fruitful season for me. Despite all of the chaos going on in my world, I’ve reigned in as much as possible in my life and honed into a path forward. I don’t know exactly where I’m going, but I’m preparing the way as feverishly as possible.
What’s happened in my life recently? Quite a lot! I’ve taken on leadership roles at work and church, the ministry group that I’ve started has nearly reached 100 members, I’m at my leanest and strongest physical form to date, and I’m currently in the transition phase of moving to a completely new role at work; moving across the US between projects and adventures. Life is definitely shaping up nicely.
Through all of this growth, a message has been on my heart since the start of the year; one that I received on my 16 hour back from my family Christmas. I spent several weeks consistently lost in thought trying to bring order to all of the chaos in my life; that drive was no different. And as this song came on in the midst of that.
Marching alone where I don’t belong
Tapping along in the dark before the dawn
Nothing is wrong, ya’ hear
Abandon the sound of the captain’s call
Grabbing my gear as I jump the wall before, before nightfall is here
I, I’ve crossed the line of the great divide
I heard your orders
I sneak past land mines
Watch them with each stride
I know the borders
Stumbled upon to the battleground
Search and look for the fight but a white flag’s all I found
It’s all I’ve found out here
I know, I know (I know, I know) you said you’ve overcome
I think it’s time I joined the fight
Lay down your arms, young one
I realize it’s hard to see the war is won, my son
You must see the war is won over and done
Caught in the snare of the rival’s jaws
Digging in deep as it rears it’s vicious claws
I guess my fight is here
What have I done? (What have I done?)
I’m trapped and all alone (all alone)
I’m bleeding out and fading quick
Footsteps draw near (Could this be it?)
Is my death now here (Could this be it?)
Who’s this that’s come for me in this dying and desperate state?
Lay down your arms, young one
I realize it’s hard to see the war is won, my son
You must see the war is won over and done
Over and done
DONE!
Rough hands are placed upon me
I’m far too weak to fight and break myself free
I was chasing apparitions
What’s wrong with my volition?
Just as my body floated
I dread and fear what is this stranger’s motives?
What have, WHAT HAVE I DONE?
I opened up my eyes to see the stranger bore a dear old face
And water filled my eyes, it was my captain that I had disgraced
I turned to look away in shame
But in tender words you called my name
“See I bear the marks that fought the war!”
Lay down your arms young one
I realize it’s hard to see the war is won, my son
You must see the war is won over and done
Over and done
YEAH!
I felt a tug on my heart and just played this song on repeat for several hours, weeping at a new part over and over again. Being one of my favorite albums, this wasn’t the first that I’ve heard it, but this is the first time that this song cut deep into my psyche. It’s stayed on my mind for nearly 9 months now and I need to address it.
Like many of my favorite songs, a dialogue is formed with the lyrics; this one being an allegory for man and the Father through the lens of a soldier and his captain. Wolves at the Gate showcases this style of conversation through song with Steve Cobucci’s masterful writing on songs such as The Father’s Bargain and Grave Digger.
Through the entire song, a soldier is itching for a battle when there is none to fight. And despite his captain telling him that he has already fought the war for him, he still wants to prove his worth on the battlefield. He goes against his captain’s orders and sneaks out onto the battlefield, full of mines and traps, looking for an enemy to fight.
I see that soldier’s heart as mine, eager to prove himself on the battlefield. I know that the war is won, the battle for my soul ended on the cross with Jesus’ blood. Not only do I have salvation, but my Father’s love… outside of anything that I have done to earn it.
That is something that has always been difficult for me to comprehend: God’s undeserved grace. I am unworthy of this acceptance into my Father’s family. I’m told that it’s as simple as “believing.” It can’t be that easy, there HAS to be more to the story; but that’s exactly what the apostle Paul tells the Ephesian church: it is the gift of God, not of works that we are saved.
I have often felt like the prodigal son, unworthy to return to his father’s home: “I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Make me like one of your hired servants” (Luke 15:19). But God’s response to our return is not one that is expected, but apparent foolishness. He grabs his tunic and sprints out to meet us halfway as soon as He sees us returning on the horizon. And instead of giving us a set of expectations to meet before returning, He throws a feast for our and forgives us as if our betrayal had never occurred.
I know all of this. I’ve studied scripture and have had this dug into me for my entire life. But somehow, a prideful part of me still believes that I can earn something all on my own. And as soon as I quit partnering with God through the authority that He has given me, I get burned out, tired, and frustrated that I can’t get things done exactly as I want; forsaking this part of my prayer: “Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” My realization of my position in His family slowly gets muddied and I go out in the world, facing struggles that I don’t need to face.
There are quiet parts of this song where the guitar strums in the background like an adrenaline-pumped tick in the back of my head, dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. I can’t seem to sit still and NEED to be doing something. This is too quiet and peaceful for my liking.
And through that, I step out onto the battlefield. The war has already been won, but the mines and traps are still laid away from the safety of home base. I fall for the traps of the defeated enemy because I’m wandering the battlefield; forgetting the warning to the Corinthians to be wary, lest we fall for Satan’s devices (II Cor. 2:11).
And yes, those traps clasp around the leg as soon as we wander into one. It feels like the end at every failure we get caught up in. But the Captain still returns and surely He shall deliver me from the snare of the fowler (Psalms 91:3). That terrifying grasp on our shoulder is our rescue, not our demise.
The patience that our Father has for us is outstanding. Like this song loops back between verses of every new venture in wanderlust paired against the captain’s rescue and sincere urge to lay down our arms. The war is won, He bears the marks to prove His sacrifice. That just needs to sink in a little more.
Personally, I need to remind myself of this daily. Yes, there’s a time to plant and water seeds, but there’s a harvest to enjoy. The war is won; we are part of our Father’s house. Let’s rejoice and celebrate that! Whether it’s working in a ministry, building my character, or making breakthroughs in my career, taking a moment to thank God and meditate on what He’s already done helps get my head on straight and turn my anxiety for the future into excitement.
This song is a fantastic reminder to stay grounded to the truth and not wander too far. I’m so glad for Wolves At The Gate for not only this song, but the rest of their discography that I hold dear. I finally got to see them live last year! Here’s a few videos from that concert (All credit goes to Dylan Stearman for those).
“And he arose and came to his father. But when he was still a great way off, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him. And the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight, and am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ “But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring out the best robe and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet. And bring the fatted calf here and kill it, and let us eat and be merry; for this my son was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ And they began to be merry.
Luke 15:20-24 NKJV
For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.
Ephesians 2:8-9 NKJV
Behold, I give you the authority to trample on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall by any means hurt you. Nevertheless do not rejoice in this, that the spirits are subject to you, but rather rejoice because your names are written in heaven.”
Luke 10:19-20 NKJV
Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about LIKE a roaring lion, seeking whom he MAY devour.
I Peter 5:8 NKJV
Now whom you forgive anything, I also forgive. For if indeed I have forgiven anything, I have forgiven that one for your sakes in the presence of Christ, lest Satan should take advantage of us; for we are not ignorant of his devices.
II Corinthians 2:10-11 NKJV
Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler And from the perilous pestilence
Psalms 91:3 NKJV
Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed.
John 8:36 NKJV
Blessed be the Lord , Who has not given us as prey to their teeth. Our soul has escaped as a bird from the snare of the fowlers; The snare is broken, and we have escaped.
Psalms 124:6-7 NKJV
Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage. Indeed I, Paul, say to you that if you become circumcised, Christ will profit you nothing. And I testify again to every man who becomes circumcised that he is a debtor to keep the whole law. You have become estranged from Christ, you who attempt to be justified by law; you have fallen from grace. For we through the Spirit eagerly wait for the hope of righteousness by faith. For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision avails anything, but faith working through love.
Galatians 5:1-6 NKJV
Your kingdom come. Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.
Matthew 6:10 NKJV
Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you.
Philippians 4:8-9 NKJV
Music with an Impact 